The truth about cats and dogs

My neighbour's son has a new(ish) schnauzer puppy. Both son and pup are visiting at the moment, hence I met it today for the first time, and oh my gosh it is one of the cutest things I have ever seen. Friendly, full of beans, soft-coated and eminently pettable. Once again, my wish to have a dog is awakened.

See, I'm beginning to suspect that this hoary old divide between cat people and dog people is really just a load of cobblers. I like cats - we had a cat when I was a child - and I've always thought of myself as a cat person: fiercely independent - the cat who walks by herself - choosy with my affections, never fawning, a creature of integrity. But the thing is one's own personal characteristics aren't necessarily what one would want in a pet. I, for example, would make a terrible pet. And it is also true that as I get older I increasingly value "dog" characteristics, and, I think, grow into those aspects of myself - loyalty, warmth, demonstrativeness, friendliness, generosity of spirit.

In short, I got it into my head a few weeks ago that I want a long-haired chihuahua. Everyone thinks chihuahuas are silly, but they have a long history stretching back many centuries to prehispanic Mexico, which is pretty cool. And I like small dogs. They are cute, pick-up-and-cuddleable. They are practical - I like the idea of being able to take my pet with me places, and unless you have a lot of space or a lot of time to dedicate to long walks I think it's pretty unkind to keep a big dog. And almost most of all, small dogs don't know they are small: they are fearless and bold, little warriors with hearts just as big as any. I like that.

I dismissed the idea pretty quickly. I do not have the kind of lifestyle that would be fair on a dog. In the immediate future I envisage the kind of employment where I have to be out at work all day. Furthermore, I am a person of irregular, some might say chaotic, habits and irregular hours. I like being able to stay out all evening and not get back until late. When I am settled in the UK again, I hope I'll be going to lots of classes and things, or at least some, which will mean being busy and time not spent at home.

Something that worries me more is that perhaps I am not the sort of person who should have a pet at all. I like the idea of pets - companionship, affection, general adorableness - but the reality is I don't really want to put any effort into them. I resent the responsibility of them. I resent their dumbness - their comfort is hollow. Whatever people say, pets don't really understand you, don't really love you.

Worse, I worry that I might feel that way about people: maybe I like the idea of human companionship in theory but actually I'm too selfish, too turned in upon myself to actually care about or for other people in a real way. Certainly I am afraid that I will have children because it seems like a good idea - I like and one day want children, I feel like I would love them - but actually in reality resent and hate being so tied down, and all the endless effort you have to put into them, which they can never - and nor should they have to - repay. After a few minutes with a pre-speech child, amusing them with the same game over and over again - lifting them up in the air, pretending you can't see them, making silly noises - my smile is fixed, my cooing doesn't falter, but I feel like I'm losing my mind and I just want to get rid of said child. The thought of doing it day in, day out makes me feel ill. And playing is supposed to be the fun part...

Awesome, I am a sociopath! Maybe I worry too much, but they seem like doubts too big to dismiss and blithely take on either a puppy or a child anyway.

Back to cats and dogs... obviously gender stereotypes are not cool however you slice 'em, but why is it that men are seen as doglike/dogs are seen as masculine, and women are seen as catlike/cats are seen as feminine? I mean I get it (dogs = big and dumb and noble, cats = pretty and capricious) but actually most of the most self-contained, self-controlled, emotionally unavailable (i.e. arguably catlike) people I have known have been men, whereas if dogs are needy, emotionally transparent, demonstrative and helplessly hungry for affection, well, that sounds more like a female stereotype than a male one.

I feel like a mixture of both (of course, for who amongst us in his own mind is reducible?) but perhaps more of the latter and less of the former than I think. The boy is most definitely a cat - for though he is generous, a good friend, fun to be with, he is also self-contained, undemonstrative, inscrutible, neither needing nor wishing to be needed. In fact, henceforth I think I shall refer to him as el gato (the cat) - it's silly to call him a boy anyway, since he is several years older than me, wreathed about with the mystery of adulthood. He is not my boy, or even the boy - there are lots of boys in this world after all - but he is my friend. My cat friend. And it sort of sounds like a cool gangster name, no?, so I don't suppose he'd mind.