See you in Vobster

I did not have a good day yesterday. After 13 hours of work stress, spectacular unproductivity and a miserable email from my sister, I finally left the office - pausing only to look for my keys, realise they were nowhere to be found, and call security to ask them to let me into my house. I shivered my way across the freezing campus and sat on the stairs fretting about all the work I had left to do.

So hurray for whatever small god it was that decided to cheer me up.

I wanted to remember to do something today, so I thought I'd set myself a reminder on my crappy, hasn't-really-made-sounds-since-it-was-in-the-same-bag-as-a-lot-of-spilled-milk, second-hand-off-ebay phone (which is just fine, apart from the milk thing, I don't want it to look cool or anything). So I went to the "to-do list" function, and was momentarily hugely confused, then intrigued and amused, to find a number of the previous owner's reminders still there:

• Diamond mercenaries also known as 'Killer force'
• St Trinians trainNorth west frontier
• 12th man - 12th man again -
• Model rail 83 or 84
• The Plank @ Your move. Rhubarb @ Mr H is late.
• Jacks wipers 13"
• Godfreys wiper 18" and rear 18"
• Top Gear dvd
• Casio ML81 calculator
• Vobster

Curiouser and curiouser! And as for "12th man - 12th man again - ", that sounds like the dying words of some doomed minor character in a black-and-white spy thriller.

I think my only firm conclusion here is that this phone belonged to a bloke. But beyond that, I am intrigued. What can it all mean? Sure, some of them look normal enough, but I think we're entering murky waters.

Hmmm, what else can our man have been but an absent-minded secret agent? It all makes sense:

• Diamond mercenaries also known as 'Killer force' - self explanatory. We don't want to get muddled reading those top-secret documents, do we...?
• St Trinians train - a bit more tricky, but I'll guess St Trinians was the password he had to give to the man on the train.
• North west frontier - location of said mercenaries. Always good to write these things down. Imagine the embarrassment of turning up at the northeast frontier by mistake.
• 12th man - 12th man again - - a bad guy. And he's back.
• Model rail 83 or 84 - now, one of these numbers is significant...
• The Plank @ Your move. Rhubarb @ Mr H is late. - code words. If we only knew what they meant we could probabably reconstruct the whole tragic story.
• Jacks wipers 13" - more code words. Or new wipers for the bondmobile.
• Godfreys wiper 18" and rear 18"- All these wipers... gotta be some kind of code.
• Top Gear dvd - one of our agents is stationed in WHSmith. Take the dvd to the counter and ask if it's included in the half-price chocolate orange promotion. If he says no, but he can gift wrap it for free, and the owls fly low tonight, you'll know he's our man. Accept the wrapped package he gives you, and DO NOT open it until you have returned to your hotel.
• Casio ML81 calculator - if the receptionist is displaying a Casio ML81 on the desk in front of her, you will know security has been breached. Leave the hotel immediately and do not return.
• Vobster - rendezvous with agent Y to learn more about mission, Vobster, Thursday, 0900 hours.

Oooh, I wonder if my phone turns into a discretely deadly weapon when I press a certain combination of buttons! I do so hope so...