Social fuckwittage

I am so full of self loathing this evening.

I was just coming to the end of a long day of shopping and errand-running in Texcoco today when I ran into some people in an unexpected place. They were people from the centre, two of whom I have met once and liked very much, and two of whom I haven't met yet.

One of them said hi, another of them said hi, I said hi, and then felt really awkward and afraid and shy and stood there looking at some signs in Spanish and then ran (wandered) away.

So not only have I wasted an opportunity to chat, maybe even hang out a bit, start to get to know these people (and it would be REALLY good to get to know some more young people that I can do stuff with)... no, not only that, but now they think I am an aloof, unfriendly cow.

Great.

I hate being such a social cripple. It's not like I am always a social cripple any more, so people don't realise and make allowances. No, it's just sometimes that this paralysing terror of other people floods over me and so I look unfriendly or weird or boring.

Non fuckwits will probably think I'm making a big deal out of this, but I really find it so hard letting go when I feel I've screwed up with people. So now even though I'd been in a good mood, I'm not just pissed off about that, I'm thoroughly godawful miserable and everything looks bleak. Stupid brain.