Judging, or, How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

Today, as the working day was winding down, one of the secretaries from upstairs came into my office and asked me if I would be one of the judges of the annual Christmas dance competition, the others being the director general and last years' winners.

Gosh.

I've never judged anything before. I'm quite terrified by the prospect.

The whole thing is quite a big deal. It is held at the staff Christmas meal/party, so there will be 400-odd people watching. There is a live band. As I remember, the couples have to dance four or five different styles - and again in the second round, if they make it that far. Last year, the prizes were two swish new mobile phones, and at least some of the fifteen or so couples were taking it really quite seriously - as were the judges, swooping around the edge of the dancefloor and watching intently.

Fuck me, who on Earth thought I'd have any idea what I was doing? I mean, judging - other people - mostly older than myself - my friend and colleagues - dancing! But the thing is, I'm not a bad dancer and I can't think of many other people who'd do a better job of it, at least who wouldn't be dead set on entering themselves.

I haven't said a definite yes yet. I have a feeling of foreboding that this judging lark will not win me any friends. I also have a feeling of foreboding that I'm going to end up doing it anyway.

This is what you get for being part of the blasted community!

Sometimes, I don't feel very integrated at all - I do not have that gift of easy, graceful friendliness that gets some people known and loved in a new place inside a month, and I don't feel like I have strong, meaningful relationships with many people at all.

But, I do do quite a lot for the community in which I work. Somehow I ended up being the social events organiser for the centre, which means making sure the bar is opened every couple of weeks or so, beer and food are sold, music is played, snacks are available, publicity goes out in advance, special occasions are celebrated with appropriate decorations and festivities, and so on. Up until the nights got so dark, I was organising weekly volleyball sessions. I have taken on twice-weekly advanced English classes for some of the secretaries. I bake things for bake sales. I turn up to things.

All of which means most people seem to know who I am, although I don't know that they necessarily like me - providing music for people to dance to, for example, is an extremely thankless and stressful task, though it does mean I now have quite a music collection! This notoriety is awkward enough on occasion given my terrible memory for names and identities, but now, it seems, it has landed me in the role of judge.

My life seems very surprising and peculiar to me sometimes - could it really be mine?

In nine days' time I probably be judging some of my colleagues doing rock'n'roll dancing. I have no idea what constitutes good rock'n'roll dancing.

Gosh.